A Day of White

My Three Little Ones:

Today I was asked just for a moment to let you know of my feelings of this most special day and once again I can't seem to express myself. I wanted to gather you close to me in a hug and whisper in your ear that Heavenly Father loves you and is pleased and so am I. I have waited and dreaded this day. I'm thrilled you have made the covenants of baptism with your Father in Heaven but that also means that you are growing up way too fast and I have to take a step back and let you make decisions on your own and accept the consequences of your actions.

I would have told you how lucky and blessed we are to have been sent you. I can't believe I was entrusted with your care. I would have told you to enjoy this day and remember it. Try to remember the feeling as you came out of the water with your dad holding onto you. Remember your friends and family that came to see you get baptized and how much they care about you and will always be there for you.

Some day I hope you will read this and know what I wanted to say, but didn't.

I love you!

Love, Mom

November in Review

I'm mad at myself again. I just haven't got the greatest pictures for November. This happens every year and each year I vow to do better.....oh well, again.
November was a crazy month here at the Beagley home. We celebrated Garrett, Hallie and Justin's birthday in style with these fantastic cakes that our neighbor, Emily Daley made. I really wanted to make cakes for the kids, but time was a huge issue and I'm glad now that I turned the job over to someone else.

We did the usual birthday things on their birthday and then waited until Saturday, to have the kid's friends over for cake. It was a fun houseful.
Alan has been getting used to only having one puppy around. Well, actually we tried having another one around, but it just didn't work. The kids were all very sad to see him go. It was just like having a new baby around. Dune, was just too young going into winter time for us to handle with our busy schedules. We decided he needed to go to another home and wait for a little older puppy, maybe when it warms up a little. We'll see.......

Garrett got his last ride of the year with Kent Sanderson on the lawnmower. Silly boy.
Please meet Hernan Cortez, Spanish explorer at his wax museum. Ash you did great!We added two cub scouts to Troop 241 and a cub master. We had an blessed, uneventful Thanksgiving day, resting, playing games and of course eating. And Karen made herself crazy with duties at Music Festival, keeping track of about 40 judges and 11 students.

I Love my Justin

Justin tries so hard to do everything he does the best he can. Piano is no exception. Sometimes it doesn't come as easy for him and he would like it to be. At our last lesson after a particularly exasperating moment of repetition he said to me, "Mom, I know what I want to be when I grow up. A piano teacher." And then I got a big hug. Made my day!!!!!!

Where Did My Babies Go?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARRETT, JUSTIN AND HALLIE!!

I cannot believe you are now 8 years old. Each year on your birthday, floods of memories come rushing back to me. This year is such a big one for you, it seems the memories are even stronger. It seems not that long ago your daddy was rushing (and I mean rushing) me to the hospital because you three just couldn't wait any longer. Eight weeks early wasn't the scenario we had in mind but our plans didn't matter that day. Around 7:30 in the morning you all three came screaming into this world. It's hard to believe this is what you looked like then:
#1 Garrett on C-PAP

#2 Mommy's first REAL touch with Justin.
#3 Justin and Hallie w/ G-ma Beagley and Cheryl.
#4 G-ma Wimmer, Ashlie and Garrett (I think).
#5 Garrett's 1st kiss from his sister.
#6 g-pa Wimmer with Garrett

#7 Daddy holding Hallie

#8 Justin going home (first one)

How fast you grew up.....

.....and up and up. Now look at you!

Are We Better Yet?

As part of our history I thought we had better update Ashlie's recovery. Her incision is healing wonderfully; however her spirits are not doing so great. Don't know if it's normal post-operative blues (no appetite, bummed out all the time, emotional over everything and most of all, just can't think straight.) or something else but it's kind of getting old. She is struggling in school with subjects that were never an issue.

It's only been a month and I'm sure the doctors will say give it time but from a mom's point of view it's tiring. It makes me sad to see her sad. Thank goodness she has had some wonderful friends who have hung out with her and talked to her and not left her alone. Things would be much worse.

She officially is allowed to do PE and recess starting tomorrow. I think she is excited and at the same time cautious. She wanted to try basketball with Savannah, but maybe has decided that probably isn't the best thing to do. (It still hurts to get bumped.)

Not again.....

The big bad health bug bit us again. This time it's Hallie's turn. For several months she has had an awful cough, mostly at night that won't go away, keeps her up at night and eventually makes her puke. Sometimes it is also bugging her after playing hard. We've taken her in and been treated for different infections, but always within a couple of days that darn cough is back. Finally, after spending a few hours looking for a doctor that would see her in Utah, when we were there for Ashlie, we were given the advice that she needs to be seen by a lung specialist and figure out exactly what is going on. Soooo, a few weeks later, after a pulmonary function test in Idaho Falls we now know that she has ASTHMA.

She has been a little trooper doing breathing treatments in the middle of the night so she can breathe and sleep and not cough. She is on a steroid now through an inhaler (which she also does pretty good) and it seems to be helping. Dr. Daniels here in Rexburg so far is taking care of her since there is NO lung specialist around. (We would have to go back to SLC.) We have only had to do about 2 breathing treatments since starting the new medicine. We hope that this can get under control quickly and that the steroids won't affect her adversely in other ways down the road and that she can do everything and anything she wants to go with her fiesty little soul.

Halloween Time

This year's Halloween season started out being a dud. Unfortunately I don't think we have all recovered from being gone and getting healed. We are always just so tired.....BUT luckily for creative and excited friends, we got excited for costumes and had a blast with at least the boys. It really was fun getting together everything and making it, of course most of all seeing them in it.

Candy meter on empty it says! It's a quarterback, get it? Daddy is a "cereal-killer". Walmart loved it. He usually doesn't dress up. This is about as far as it goes.
We always do enjoy trunk-or-treat at our church. It goes fast, but I like that I feel safe letting my kids run around and have fun without me right along with them. It was wonderful weather, warm without the wind.You could actually see all the kid's costumes without being bundled up. Definitely not normal for Idaho.
We attempted jack-o-lanterns but discovered our pumpkins had frozen and were rotten. The kids had some fun drawing faces on them though.
We did go to the new straw maze down the street from us. Great big straw bales stacked, made the maze in a field by our house. Quite AMAZing if you ask me. Ashlie took her friend Savannah McDonald with us. The kids had a blast running on ahead of us and figuring out which way to go. We only had to go in once to get the girls who decided to try the maze from the exit to the entrance. Darkness does change how everything looks, right girls?

Crunching leaves under my feet

Soon it'll be time to trick-or-treat

Black cats at night care to scare you out of your underwear,

Owls at night might make you fright

Get ready for Halloween night.

.....Ashlie Beagley

Week in Review Oct 12-18

This week we actually have had some FUN. Ashlie gave the little ones her balloons from the hospital and they had a blast with them. Some game was invented that involved jumping off the couch at the same time and grabbing onto the string handles.

We also made carmel apples and tried to make them the "gourmet" way with sprinkes, nuts and chocolate chips on the outside. Didn't work all the way, but very yummy. Maybe we'll try them again before autumn is over and make them smaller this time.

Ashlie had her first post-op visit with Dr. Williams in Pocatello. ( I am so glad we didn't have to drive to SLC for it.) Her incision had opened up a little (we need to watch for infection, but I think it's fine) and keep her out of school for two more weeks, no lifting and try and take it easy (the heart needs time to get used to working normal....we don't want it to over-worked at this point.) Everything sounded great...what a normal, healthy heart should sound like. Hurrah!!!!!

We're Home

Sunday, finally Ashlie's chest tube came out.

She slept for about 4 hours after wearing off the Morphine they had given her. She had a bath (wonderful according to Ashlie) got into brand new jammie pants and slippers and then went for a walk unassisted and felt pretty good. After that there was no stopping her getting out of there.

They let us go Monday after the x-rays still looked good.

She has done amazingly well at home with hardly any pain (only using Ibuprofen or Tylenol). She even wanted to go to achievement day today. We are trying to make her rest a little to allow her heart to heal. She has to stay home for awhile to let everything heal (getting bumped or sick would not be fun), but well visitors are always welcome and will be nice break.

We are extremely exhausted, didn't realize just how much until today; but also elated that everything has turned out the way it has. We are overwhelmed by the blessings we have been given in finding out about this when we did and being able to get it fixed.

Change

I can't sleep for some reason, don't know why.

While Ashlie and Alan snoozed today, I got to hear part of conference. Pres Monson's talk today at the end of the first session sure hit home. Change....it's all around us whether we like it or not we have to accept it. Time can not be turned back or slowed down. Soooo I need to enjoy each moment and not look back or always turn to the future. It's all about now. I don't know if I make any sense and some day when I read this, I hope I can remember.

Pretty deep, huh? Well, it did affect me and hopefully for the better.

Perfection????

The word from the cardiologists is x-rays look great and echo looks great, which means, could it be possible? Ashlie's heart is PERFECT!!!!

Making Progress

Pace maker wires out.....chest tube OUT!

Oxygen staying up most of the time.

Most of all Ashie's spirits up!!

There is a Silver Lining

I feel like I have to ammend my previous post. Things are looking up. After a blessing last night, a restful night for all, and some insight from very smart nurses, we are now turning a corner. Ashlie's chest x-ray this morning showed the lungs looking much better. Her heart looked and sounded swollen, so they did an Echo this afternoon. The report is a totally perfect heart....music to my ears and heart.

Dr. Burch came in and checked her out and played a little with the chest tube; (that really hurts). After he left she had a bit of a melt down (tore off the oxygen, stomped a little, screamed and demanded she go home now. After that she has started going to the bathroom much easier, eating a little, (and keeping it down), and has been able to keep her oxygen up for most of the day. We've had a few smiles (l0ts when brothers and sis came to visit) and even has been able to talk on the phone. I really feel like Heavenly Father recognizes his children's cries for help, however it comes. He knows Ashlie is not happy and we understand it is not going to be easy to get over but it will come.

ROUGH WATERS

We are continuing to work with Ash to get the lower lobes of her lungs to inflate. She won't take deep enough breaths to make her lungs work properly. This makes at risk for pneumonia, not a happy thing with a cracked sternum and ribs. Her fever goes up and down but not too high.
In order to get the chest tube out she needs to be eating a regular diet. The surgeon wants to make sure the milky colored discharge (sorry that's gross, I know) won't leak into her chest cavity when given fats, so for now it stays in. We have started only giving her "easy on the stomach" foods for now. The doctor has also given her something for the nausea and lowered the heavy duty pain killers to ease up on her stomach.
She has gotten up three times today (still has one more today). Sound familiar Lisa Marie? Hopefully tomorrow she will have a little more energy to venture a little further than the bathroom.
Garrett, Justin and Hallie are coming to visit tomorrow and I CAN' T WAIT. I've missed them so. It's hard to hang up the phone when Hallie just wants her mom and dad. I'm glad they are together.

TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD

Throwing up everything you eat.......bad, bad, bad.
Chest tubes....very bad.
Ordering what you want to eat any time you want....good.
Dealing with nurses all day....good when you have such nice ones.

Being away from my sister and brother....beginning to be bad. (We miss them.)
Movies any time of day OR night.....good, (at least for me.)
Finally getting sleep.....very good.
Having a fever...bad.
Having worried parents.....very bad.
Sponge baths....good.
Being in the hospital.....bad, bad, bad.
Getting rid of a central line and cathater.....very good.
Having a good surgeon...very good.
Foot massages....very, very good. (I love love my nurses.)

The Day After

We made it through the night....a long, long night. We were able to get a sleep room across the hall from the PICU. I slept for a couple of hours, then Alan for a few and then me for another little bit (yep, I'm a pig.) Ashlie could not get to sleep with all of the comings and goings in the ICU. It was very noisy. Even from staff members that would forget it was someone's night time, not day time.

Last night she started having bad pains in her lung area on one side, so we turned her to try and let any fluid stop from pooling on the one side. They reviewed x-rays and thought it was all OK. She is continuing to run a fever which makes her a little edgy. She had an awesome nurse, Chad, who took such good care of her through the night. He was able to get her to do whatever was absolutely necessary without any drama and also kept things as dark and quiet for her to get rest. Got to love him! I was doing OK with everything until they had us leave for the hour of shift changes. Now my emotions are not so in check. Got to get tougher, I guess.

Later in the morning we got moved to our own room; what a difference that makes. It feels like the Hilton. Alan and I will both be able to stay in the room. Everyone is awesome here too. She likes the up and down bed and her OWN remote control. They are working with her today to get better breath sounds, getting her up and eating (she is now refusing everything except a little soda.) We had a wonderful visitor today that lifted her spirits even when she didn't want to move. Sister Lynn walked in the room today and visited for a few minutes with her parents. We are totally touched she would take the energy, time and risk with germs to see Ash. She got the only smile we've seen out of Ash since surgery. No fair!!

We know that today sleep, movement and food will make a lot of the not so great things a lot better. Ashlie said she wanted to go home and hopefully we'll be on our way in a couple more days.